Rules debate

Hi everyone,

I have turned off the comments for the post “Rule #5 Don’t Call Him and Rarely Return His Calls“. I think a bunch of good points have been brought up, both about this particular rule and The Rules in general, and I don’t think any more hashing out needs to happen.

In fact one of the reasons I quit updating this blog was because I got tired of The Rules project, because The Rules themselves are tiresome. I mainly see them as somewhat helpful guidelines for clueless women, with much silliness thrown in.

Apparently, a new edition is coming out in a couple of months. At some point I will read it and report on it. In the meantime, I’d like to know if you get anything out of this blog and want you’d like to read on. Book reviews? Specific topics? Dating? Singleness?

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9 Comments

Filed under Personal, The Rules

9 responses to “Rules debate

  1. I’d like to hear instead about how your broken heart ended; I assume you were asked out by some guy, and are now going steady with him.

    If that be so, what did he do right, to win your heart?

    How did that happen?

    Oh, and if Tiffany is still reading, you’re wrong; I’m not a Brit. I’m Canadian.

    • Anna

      Interesting speculation but actually that isn’t what happened. I was dating a guy for 3 months and it was going really well. However, when I put my foot down and told him I wasn’t going to sleep with him, he made it all about himself and how hurt he was. So, I dumped him. Even tho I had told him along the way that I didn’t want to sleep with him, he kept misunderstanding, assuming we’d start sleeping together some time down the road.

      Since he had told me that I was “worth waiting for, even if it meant a year”, I am not sure why this was such a big deal to him, that I wouldn’t sleep with him outside of marriage. He was pretty emotionally messed up from some stuff that had happened to him as a child and teen; I think he really could have used therapy. But, for my own peace, I knew I couldn’t stay with someone that didn’t make me feel secure about my decision to not to share my body with anyone but my husband.

      Breaking up is awful, but not as awful as being with someone who doesn’t love you.

      As for your other questions, about winning a woman’s heart… maybe I’ll write a blog post. :)

      • Ah; sorry I misread your statement in your previous post “the emotional impetus that made me first start blogging (broken heart) rather suddenly went away (yay!)”

        But I hope you’re not feeling too heartbroken now, because I don’t think by any means that this guy is worth pining over; good on you for sticking to your resolve, and not letting him manipulate you into sleeping with him, and good on you for saving yourself for your husband. That is the right thing to do, for us who are Christians, indeed.

        The guy wasn’t listening to you, anyway; he figured he could get you to ‘cave’, and he thus never realized you’re made of stronger stuff, possessing more personal integrity than that.

        Salute.

  2. I would love to get some women bloggers together and do a roundtable or series. Things like how to be attractive without being threatening, how to win a woman over, online dating, how to navigate and survive the dating process, and how to court with an eye towards marriage.

  3. Hmm…call for submissions, especially from people we know (Laura comes to mind, as do the people behind the Orthodox Hey Girl meme) with the end result being invite-only. Each of us independently write down bulletpoints on each topic that will need to be addressed, then we compare. A Google+ videochat might be a good way for us all to get to know each other. Once we have the bulletpoints to address, we can either all answer them and come up with conglomerate answers, or divvy them up and the rest of us pitch in later. Either way, I want every person to have a chance to speak up on every bulletpoint, even if someone else does more of it.

    I suspect we’d have more than one person comfortable taking charge, so either a co-editing thing or taking turns being lead editor on a topic, with one or two editors-in-chief looking at continuity over the whole project. We’d need editors who could and would say no, and chop things down while maintaining coherency, because otherwise the whole thing will be an exercise in TL;DR and it’ll get messy.

    I think, in order to allow for individual expression as well as the amazing things that come from collaboration, there should be room for both roundtables and articles written by a single contributor. Reposts from other blogs are fine too.

    A few married women and/or matushkas might be able to add in another side, though I’d like at least a partial emphasis on the perspective from single women.

    I can talk to the editor-in-chief at The Onion Dome. If we can do a spoof article (and heaven knows we have enough material–someone offered to be my “suga daddie” yesterday) perhaps there could be a link to the roundtable from that.

    WordPress allows for easy collaboration. I can create a blog with a submissions page that we could then post our finished discussions/articles to. Or, we could take over one of the existing blogs, though I’m more hesitant about that.

    If we want an easy URL, we can take over mine (sanitybakery.com – I’m not using it for much at the moment), which would allow for dedicated emails if we want them. Or for about $20 we can get a custom URL from GoDaddy for the year and free emails at said URL from Google Apps.

    Basically, I want to write the book–or at least sections of the book–that we all want to read but can’t find.

  4. Tiffany

    Anna,
    What a wonderful job you’ve done with your blog! It’s not easy to write about matters of the heart, much less share them with the public.

    I do owe you an apology, though. I thought this site was a forum of sorts, I didn’t read up on it enough to see that it was someone’s personal blog! Much less a Christian blog at that. I did not mean to take over your blog with my writings about the Rules, but, I feel it is important to discuss with women (and men) who either dont understand them clearly or want to learn how to apply them. Because you have stated pretty clearly that you are NOT interested in any further discussion about them, I won’t post anything more. Thanks for allowing me to share my thoughts and opinions on them for as long as you did and good luck to you in finding love!

    Will,
    Thanks for the clarification as to your nationality. I appreciate everything you’ve shared and want you to know that, at the very least, you made me laugh and reflect on myself and my actions, though NOT ENOUGH to make me forego ANY of The Rules.

    I would have loved to have responded (I still have A LOT to say in response to what you wrote last) but I’ll restrain myself out of respect for Anna’s wishes.

    I’ll head back to India Kang or Platinum Girl Celebrity Blog for more Rules discussion. Ciao!

    • Anna

      Hi Tiffany,
      Thanks for your kind words. I actually do not mind debate on the blog – but it doesn’t do much good to have a raging debate on old posts.
      Feel free to stop by and leave comments if you want in the future – your voice is a valuable addition.
      Anna

      P.S. I would really hate for this to be considered a “Christian blog”, tho I do come from a Christian world view. :)

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