Men, don’t do this

A friend told me about a guy who asked her out on a date. He attends an Eastern Orthodox seminary (note: Orthodox priests can get married, but they must do so before they are ordained, or else they must remain celibate. So seminarians are often on the hunt for a wife.)

After my friend accepted this date, he came back with something to the extent of “well, what do you want to do?”.

FAIL.

Now, seminary boy was probably thinking that he was being nice. If she chooses the activity, then she will be happy with whatever they do. That absolves him of the burden of making a wrong choice and having to deal with her not having a good time. He doesn’t have to risk anything.

This seems like a great idea but the truth is, this does not work, especially for the first few dates. What women want is for a man to plan a fun, not necessarily elaborate or expensive, date. Planning shows initiative, leadership, and confidence. It signals to her that she is worth pursuing. It makes her feel special. If you expect her to come up with ideas, that signals to her that you’re probably Just Not That Into Her.

Some men might point out that they have been burned by complaining women who have had a bad time on dates. This is a valid point, so it’s worth asking what she was complaining about: Did you not warn her ahead of time how she should dress? (Your fault.) Did you pick something like attending a video game marathon? (Get a clue.) Or is she just high-strung and whiny in general? (Dump her, or at least call her on it – she’s testing you.)

P.S. If you’re really stumped for date ideas you can go to the Art of Manliness and type in ‘date’ at the search area.

2 Comments

Filed under Dating, Men

2 responses to “Men, don’t do this

  1. Spot on, Anna.

    Women desire that men show leadership, and deciding on the activity for the date, where to go, what to do, etc., is the first positive thing a guy can do, right from the beginning of the date. He doesn’t come across as indecisive and wishy-washy, that way.

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