Bad date

Today’s post comes courtesy of my beautiful and talented sister. Often people reach this blog by searching for “why dating sucks”. Well, here you go.

I met M at while I at work at an eyeglasses retailer. He asked for my number and though I wasn’t really all that interested I figured “why not?” and gave it to him. He called me a few days later, made causal conversation and asked me out on a date. He asked to see me the next night, but of course, as a proper Rules girl I said I was not available till Friday (he called on a Monday night).  [Note: The Rules say to never accept a date unless the gentleman asks 3 days in advance]

 A couple days later, he texts me again saying “Hey, I know you said Friday but I was wondering if you happened to be free tonight?” Again I said no of course.

 The night of the date he asked to pick me up. I think this is OK in most instances when you meet someone through a friend but since he was but a stranger I said no. I showed up at [classy bar in college town] and he was already there. We sat at a table, but he wasn’t satisfied with the seating so he politely asked the waitress if she could move us to a better one. So far so good… Until… I am looking at the menu and ask him what he is getting… At this point he relays that he has already eaten dinner. This was suppose to be a dinner date, and though I had to reschedule an hour later than what we had originally agreed upon it is very very rude to not order food while your date does. He ordered us a couple appetizers, which he recommended, but as he turned to the waitress to place the order he said something along the lines of “We will have so and so appetizer and other than that… we are going to drink….we aren’t alcoholics, I promise”. Hmm. A little bit of an awkward statement; also he seemed pretty buzzed by this point but wanted to keep drinking. He even said “lets get smashed.”

 He admitted to being a poor conversationalist and boy oh boy was he. About 60% of the conversation revolved around his exes, in which he disclosed private information about one of them and really made himself sound like a douche. He talked about his work and guitar skills in a way that made him appear cocky and arrogant. He talked about private things involving his family, which I feel is not good material for a first date. His tone was overall very cynical, he told me he was an atheist and went on a drunken spiel about how being a scientist had made him one and blah blah blah. He told me he doesn’t like “labels” when it comes to relationships, he just likes to go with the flow and see what happens. Because that’s something women are totally cool with… And he seemed to be sensitive about his age, 30, which begged the question: why did he ask me out in the first place? And to top it all off he asked me to go home with him after. Of course I said no…. After I went back home he texted me to apologize for inviting me over.

 You would think that would have been the end of it…. But the next day he sends me another text saying “hey I’m sorry if this is inappropriate but I started cooking food and realized I was making to much, would you like to come over?” I just ignored him.

 The day AFTER that he texted me again something random about classes and also that he hoped I liked the date because he thought it went really well….!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 I politely told him I wasn’t interested in dating him which he took well and asked me for pointers on what to do different in the future. I pointed out a few things like talking about his exes to which he said “I did???” I believe that he genuinely did not realize just how much he did that during the course of conversation. I have been told I am guilty of talking about exes when I am dating a new person as well and now I realize just how much it really displays poor dating etiquette.

Painful.

To give him credit, here’s what he did right:

1. He was persistent in asking for a date.

2. Offered to pick her up.

3. He paid for the night out.

4. Apologized when he realized he did something wrong.

What he did wrong:

1. Didn’t make it clear in advance that it would just be drinks.

2. Pregamed before the date. Made it clear he wanted the both of them to drink a lot.

3. Talked about his exes and gave away personal information about them.

4. Gave away personal information about his family.

5. Talked about religion.

6. Talked about labeling the relationship.

7. Asked her to come home with him. Ladies, rule of thumb: never go back to a guy’s apartment on the first date, especially with a stranger.

8. Talked incessantly about himself and managed to come off as both arrogant and insecure.

Dating is supposed to be about putting your best self forward and making a good impression but this guy apparently clueless as to how he comes across.

You know why dating sucks? Because, as Auntie Seraphic says, many men today are looking for girlfriends or bedmates, not wives. Did he do anything that impressed upon my sister that he would care and respect her? No. It was all about him, his bitterness, and his wish for alcohol and easy sex.

5 Comments

Filed under Dating, Female dignity, Men, The Rules

5 responses to “Bad date

  1. JW

    Is “being persistent in asking for a date” really a good thing?

    Here’s where it’s tricky for me: I recognize that I am as vulnerable to the “just barely achievable” thing as any other male, so when a woman sideboobs me, that generally attracts me. But also I don’t want to be (or at least *seem*) desperate, and I am not going to push if she shows the slightest sign that she’s not interested.

  2. Anna

    Annoyingly, women often won’t come out and say they’re not interested.

    If she says something like, “I’m not free this evening but next weekend would work”, or something to that extent, she interested.

    If she just says she’s busy etc, after you’ve asked a time or two, she’s not interested.

    • JW

      Good to know — thanks.

      I’m typically not going to ask for a date, ever. Dates are just such a formal thing and I don’t operate well in them. I just want to be friends and then if it develops into more, great. But I’m getting some questionable signs even in my attempts to be a friend, like nervous-avoidance and non-response.

      • Anna

        I agree that dates can suck, but what’s your tactic for “making the moves” on a woman? How do you not get stuck in the friend zone?

      • JW

        I don’t really make moves, at all, ever. At least in past relationships, and probably future relationships, what I’ve done is just get in friend zone, use the overwhelming power of my charm, they eventually hint (usually out of frustration) at interest, I hint back, the hints escalate, and we go from there.

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