Rule #2 – Don’t Talk to a Man First (and Don’t Ask Him to Dance)

This is a rule with exceptions. It’s a rule with exceptions because not all women live their lives obsessed with getting married. Some women, for example, believe that politeness and hospitality are more important than avoiding greeting a strange man and risking “interfering with whatever was supposed to happen or not happen, perhaps causing a conversation to occur that was never meant to be”.

Also, no one goes to dances in this day and age. Those social events went the way of the dodo and the cocktail party. The only people who dance any more are people involve in tango or swing dance communities. At least in swing, it’s OK to ask guys to dance because you’re not typically there to find a boyfriend.

However. Where I do agree with The Rules is rationalizing that a guy isn’t talking to you because “he’s shy” or some such. If he really is too shy to talk to you, he’s not marriage material.

I’ve heard guys say that they wish women would talk to them first or hit on them instead of the other way around. They say that they are flattered when it happens. But what does that really mean? Being flattered means you’re primping someone’s ego. It doesn’t mean that he’s going to fall in love with you. Men are going to fall in love with whoever they fall in love with. No amount of “helping the situation” on the part of the woman is going to make him do so, and in fact may be a turn off.

So, talking to a hottie first, trying to make a date happen, bad idea. Generally if you see or meet a guy that you could see yourself being interested in, it really is best to shut up and let him ask you, even if it’s further down the road than you’d prefer.



Filed under Book Reviews, Dating, Female dignity, Men, The Rules

4 responses to “Rule #2 – Don’t Talk to a Man First (and Don’t Ask Him to Dance)

  1. JW

    I agree that initiating contact is *in most cases* *most likely* to be more harmful than helpful if the goal is to have a quality dude fall for you. But the asterisks are because there are exceptions — lots of them. This shouldn’t be a hard and fast rule.

    Maybe you have some info about him that he doesn’t have about you (e.g., you know someone in common or have an interest in common) — I think that is a perfectly reasonable situation to initiate contact. And just one of many.

    • Anna

      I agree, tho I advice aunties would suggest not talking to him for more than a few minutes (no more than 20 to 30) and also to not give him your contact info at the end of the conversation (without him having asked).

  2. Nothing wrong, surely, though, with warm smiles, and “Hello”, and if he appears potentially interested, dropping hints you might be receptive if he were to risk asking…

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