Who pays for the date gets to the core of the loss of the script and can elicit uncomfortable feelings. Some men get offended when women offer to pay for their meal, others are offended when they don’t. What’s a girl to do?
The Rules say that women should not pay for anything on the first three dates. The Rules would definitely disagree, but 0n the first date I reach for my purse when the bill arrives. If he is OK with spliting, I loose any interest in seeing him again (tho typically I’ve already come to that conclusion anyway). It’s not a matter of entitlement or punishment, it’s just a natural reaction that means “this guy is lame”.
Men, if you’re wondering why you should pay for dates, here’s why:
1. It shows that you have financial resources and that you are willing to share those with a lady.
2. It makes the woman feel special and taken care of.
3. Friends split the bill. If you’re interested in being something more, going dutch sends the wrong signal.
4. If you feel resentful of the money you spend on dates, that shows that you’re probably Just Not That Into Her.
5. If she doesn’t express appreciation, that’s a good indication of her character; that she feels entitled.
Consider also that to prep for dates, women will spend money on makeup, manicures, pedicures, dresses, skirts, hair removal, and the salon. Women spend money on one or more of these things because if they are into you, they want you to be attracted to her. (Doing these things also make women feel better about themselves which will help their confidence during the date.)
If women spend money to impress men by the way they look, then it’s really not fair to expect women to pay for their meal or ticket to a show. That means that they ends up spending more money than the guy for dates.
Once the relationship is established, it’s OK for women to pay for coffee, or pay for the meal or cook on special occasions. But whereas women feel special and taken care of when a man pays, when women take upon the role of spending money on men, it doesn’t make them feel the same way. When men are really into you, they’re going to enjoy making you happy by taking you out. And when women have to play the role of treating men they become resentful of having to chase men and spending their finances to court him.
A lot of women make more money than men, especially in their 20s. What to do about this imbalance? I think it depends. If the guy is poorer because he’s in a low-paying job that he loves or he’s in school, the fact that she makes more shouldn’t necessarily make her pause, but she shouldn’t expect fancy dates very often. If he’s poorer because of lack of ambition, that’s a red flag.
Tucked into this chapter are a few paragraphs telling women that men will go out of their way to see them if they are in to you. This has very much been my experience. Even if you live in an inconvenient part of town, he will come pick you up. If he doesn’t or he complains, He Just Not That Into You.
P.S. If you’re dating a woman and she doesn’t make an effort to doll herself up, she’s Just Not That Into You.