I don’t like getting too personal on this blog, but since I write on occasion about my friends and acquaintances, I suppose it’s only fair to divulge about my personal life at times. So here’s a tale about getting over one’s ex.
About 5 months ago I broke up with someone with whom I’d had a really intense romance. 3 months into the relationship, when it became apparent that it wasn’t going to work out in the long run, I broke up with him. I was very torn up about this decision but I knew it was the right thing to do. I’ve spent this winter largely getting to a good place again. (N.B:Writing this blog helped)
Last weekend I ran into him at a bar. I was stunned to see him and while I didn’t interact him beyond nodding at him, later, one of his friends came up to me and gave me the 3rd degree. Apparently my ex had been discussing exes right before I walked in. The friend said that my ex had really liked me, why did I hate him? I did not, and told the friend so. So why did I break up with him, why did I “murder his heart”? I gave him my reasons for breaking it off and he seemed satisfied.
Folks, if your own friends won’t defend you from charges of selfishness, it’s time to examine your life.
I spent the next few days in a funk, wondering if I had made a mistake, wondering we could make it all work out after all. A couple times I almost emailed him.
Serendipitously, a person that I’ve known online for 3 years came to town last weekend. I met up with him on Monday. Pretty quickly he became flirtatious and made a point that he wanted to see me again during his visit.
Wednesday, I was still tormented about my ex. That evening I met up with this new friend. He made it clear by the end of the evening that he was quite smitten. While I have no idea where this friendship is going, I am grateful that at the very least it has helped me to realize just how wrong for me my ex was. I won’t go into too much detail but the main difference is that I am religious; my ex was not. It is such a relief to go on a date with someone who shares your religious views (core value for me) right from the start.
It doesn’t mean my new friend is The One, but whoever The One is 1. sure wasn’t my ex and 2. I won’t have to feel like I’m hiding who I am from him.
Auntie Seraphic writes touchingly about barriers around your heart in an older blog post:
In marriage, there are not supposed to be barriers in your hearts. But I had to construct a barrier around the part called “Roman Catholic”, and it was a very big part. If we had gotten along in other ways, and loved each other, and treated each other decently, which we certainly did not do, there would still have been a barrier around the part of my heart called “Roman Catholic”. I would have had to keep it there to guard against my natural wish to please my husband, and he would have been most pleased if I had skipped Catholic Masses in favour of Anglican services and ignored Catholic doctrine about the transmission of life.
Having the same core values means being able to be fully intimate with your spouse, confident that you’re using the same foundations to build your lives together.