Women’s need to give

Aunt Haley links to another misanthropic Heartiste piece that nevertheless contains kernels of truth about male-female relationships. If you can stand it to read it, go here and click on the article, read and come back here.


I am particularly struck by his description of women giving themselves over to certain men (alpha males) when the opportunity presents itself. Yes, of course women are influenced by the men they sleep with and of course the more a woman is into a man the harder it is to keep herself from throwing herself at him. But the danger is that women can and will lose themselves, their individuality, to these men, and while Hearste seems to think that’s what relationships should be like, I think that sounds pretty unhealthy. It’s the whole narcissist/borderline scenario and that is simply not real love.

Serendipitously, Auntie Seraphic has begun a discussion on women’s need to give themselves to a man, so check that out and read the comments. But, if you’re a guy, don’t comment please, as her blog is For Girls (but you can comment here if you’re a guy ;)).



Filed under Female dignity, Men, Relationships

5 responses to “Women’s need to give

  1. Svar

    I’m curious, what would you say is real love?

    • Anna

      In this context I bring it up to differentiate it from the “love” where (typically) a woman doesn’t know who she is so she latches on to a man, who provides her with an identity. Her role is to support whatever identity the man has chosen for himself, and if she ever outgrows him or develops her own identity, or refuses to seem him how he wants to be seen, the relationship is over. Both players in this game are in it for themselves. They are using each other to satisfy their anxiety about who they are. They stay with each other to the extent that the other provides this for them (or become too apathetic to find someone else).

      “Real love” here is mature, adult love, between people who know who they are, want for and bring out the best in each other, and who are committed to building a life together.

      • Svar

        I always saw real love between a man and a woman as a mixture between sexual attraction and friendship. As well as the commitment to building a life together.

      • “Both players in this game are in it for themselves. They are using each other to satisfy their anxiety about who they are.”

        I once came across a song lyric by a very self-aware young woman, who realized, with regards to her pining after a lost love, that “it’s not you that I miss; it’s the me who I was, when I was dating you” (possibly paraphrased, but that’s the jist of it).

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